Weight training for derby

Trying out a new training regime. Well, really, what I mean is I’ve joined the gym and starting doing something. The gym that my workmates use had a bring-a-friend for a month to try it out, so I’ve taken advantage by trying everything they offer and I couldn’t be happier. It’s actually a PT Studio in the Brisbane CBD for those who wish to know, and to be honest I’ve never trained at a gym so focussed on results without being wanky and separatist (ie. fitness freaks and juice heads to left, me/normal humans to the right, cue self consciousness.)

 

I’ve had the luck of scoring a super motivated gym kid who is strong, athletic, and enthusiastic to show me the ropes, but the staff are equally as helpful so it’s not so concerning anyway.

 

Last week I trained 4 days, and as my leagues on break for 2 weeks; I’m up for 5 days a week of hard slog till we go back. In my constant search for ideas that stick, by jove I think I’ve found one. This was really born of months of DIY off-skates research only to sulk miserably at my lack of commitment. Maybe some people can work out at home, with their life screaming for attention around them; me, I’d prefer to do it elsewhere. The ultimate winner of this situation is that I’m doing this in my lunchbreak, so guess who’s time efficient now?

 

My excuses for my commitment-phobia have stopped; ‘I dont want to be sore for training’, ‘How do I fit this in when I have a billion other things to do?’, ‘Derby already takes up my spare time’.

 

Last week I even had a one on one with a competing powerlifter who was giving me amazing advice and coaching on the foundations of Olympic lifts. I learned about the anatomy of a squat. Who knew I was doing it wrong my whole life? Not to mention smashing me with one legged squats amongst other terrors. I can see derby in every quaking muscle and every last rep. Sadly, I can also feel every cigarette I’ve ever smoked in each sprint. What a fucking pointless exercise it was the day I took that shit up.

 

I’m over the 90’s in the sense that I have no qualms about accepting my genetic crown and bulking the fuck up. Heroin chic was in, and if you had even shape to your bicep you might as well have been Chyna cause chicks with muscles were too much to process. My wraith-like grunge idols did very little for my self-esteem, and being young and impressionable; this left me chasing a ghost for the next 15 years. I am genetically hardwired to be a big bitch, so I’m really left with two outcomes; am I overweight, or am I strong?

 

I’m 30, and I’m prepared to work hard to look strong. And if all the advice of seasoned skaters and derby idols is true, I’m hopefully preparing my body for a long derby career.  

 

I’d stay and chat, but I’ve got gym :)

 

Preparation. Persistence. Practice.

 

 

Romancing my knees: New derby gear for those special someone's..

It's been a long year for my kneebones.

From the beginning of derby journey,  they've been under tremendous pressure to perform,  and as it turns out my kneepads (read about them here),  were a pile of shit. I should have known when I got mysterious bruises under my pads,  or maybe when my knee started swelling after training.  The injury I got scaling Mt Tamborine was an extension of what was already happening under my pads really. A massive disgusting hematoma that eventually ran down to my ankle and swelled there.  I couldn't afford better pads when I returned to derby which led me to my local sports store to get volleyball pads for underneath to create extra cushioning.  It worked,  for a spell, until my freshmeat pal told me of this amazing sale at Boardshop. I'd been lusting after some Deadbolt knees and Gladiator Gaskets, but I needed a cheap solution NOW. I launched at the website and couldn't believe luck - 187 Pro Derby knees for $85.00 with FREE shipping??

This might seem expensive for Americans, but here in the great land of Oz, if you wanna play derby;  you better have a pile of gold somewhere cause livin' on an island ain't cheap.

I also got some Smith's scab's gaskets, for about $40.00 and this was all delivered in a day, so big ups to Boardshop; I was super happy with the service. The only sell protective gear for derby, given they are actually a skateboard shop, but it’s cheaper than other places in Oz.

Yesterday I took them for a spin at training. I'm sure if my knees could speak they'd sing reggae, cause they were so chilled and happy. My review:

Smith's scabs gaskets

I expected them to be a little tighter, as I didn't have to fight to get them up. I was around the centre of XL according to my size measurements, but retrospectively I wonder if I could have gotten away with an L. Still, the padding is good, and my joint felt like it was being cuddled tight :) I still had the full range of movement, and today my knee feels great.

187 Pro Derby kneepads:

I wasn't so sure about getting these, they seemed bulky and sitting-on-top-of-your-kneecap-like but I'm glad I got them. The padding is AWESOME, they don't cut in anywhere so are really comfy. I did feel like they affect my crossover step but I think it's manageable. I did notice when trying to Turkish Get up they slipped to the side slightly, but I had my gaskets under my training pants and the kneepads over, so there was no contact to hold the pads in place. Stupid I know.

Honestly taking double knees almost felt like I wasn't falling at all, and an added bonus is I could push my hips out further because I wasn't as shocked by the tap-tap.

Ultimately, if you are pre-freshmeat or currently in a league, I offer you a wake-up call. Buy your pads BEFORE your skates, don't skimp, do your research and spend every last penny on them. Even for me, about 7 months of skating on bad pads has taken a toll. Spend big on your knees, take them out to dinner, offer them elevation and rest, ice and compression and daily squats. Pretend they're like already unhappy, do happy knees exercises. Turn your weakness into your strength!

I tried Bikram Yoga, which I could go into with great depth but in short - it was pretty culty, and I can't believe I'm saying this but it was competitive. I couldn't bear all the gentle and free-spirited voices and competitive origami limbs. Margaret Cho couldn't have said it better IMO.

So now I'm about halfway through this:

And my leg strength has gone through the roof! It's totally worth it, and seriously, I promise you that it only lasts for about 5 minutes of your day. It's a great way to ease yourself into daily movement if you aren't doing this normally.

I have half of my workplace doing it with me too : )

Things are on the move. Hope they are for you too.

Train like you fucking mean it!

Ballet dancers are good at transitioning

One imposition my weight seems to create is on my knees. I'm dreadfully knock-kneed and I did kinda stress over that in the beginning wondering if that meant I could skate but then I read a heartwarming article from Bonnie D.Stroir and it turns out shes knock kneed too, and well, she totally slays so there's hope in them there hills.

We attempted turning to face behind us for the first time which meant I had to basically demi plie. Given my ballet experience extends as far as Centre Stage and Black Swan, you can imagine what I looked like.

Anyway, it goes a lil something like this:

• Skate forward with your feet parallel
• Take a slight step forward with your right foot
• Turning your upper body left to face your behind you , turn your left foot back 180 into plie
• Pick up your right foot and bring it round parallel your left

This is made easier by keeping your knees bent, chin up instead of on your feet and really focussing on turning your boobs - your feet will follow even if you are feeling freaked about it. I've practiced it a bunch of times and it's still sloppy and heavy footed at best. This is largely driven by a complete lack of flexibilty on my part. Hence part of my daily routine now will be stretching, particularly my hip flexors and back. The more limber I am from the top down the less strain my knees will cop. That's my theory anyway. 

Happy skating :)

P.s another great resource for incurably knock kneed can be found here

Self imposed skiatus and the HCG diet

I've been a lazy lover, dear blog, to which I have no excuse other than life. I've been on a hiatus from skating since November after taking a mountain-to-the-knee whilst scaling down Mt Tamborine. I cast derby from my head in a bid to ease the depression of putting freshmeat on hold. Shame, I'd skated 23 in 5 and started crossing over properly.

I learned a few lessons though. Whilst there's no better way to get fit than actually move, and derby did that for me, I couldn't ask something like that of a body I had left in total disrepair. Derby wasn't going to fix it, for me at least. And perhaps I could have done the ol' teaspoon of concrete, but I can't just DO derby, I want to be GOOD - and that requires a body that can handle it. So I focussed on what I could change and after much deliberation decided to try HCG Protocol through some advice of a fitness warrior I respect.

For those who are noobs to HCG, it stands for Human Chrionic Gonadotropin; and it's based on the hormone that is produced to support a woman's ovary in ovulation or in pregnancy. Through taking the homeopathic drops, your body is stimulated into producing said hormone and this inturn causes fat to be released into the system as it would a pregnant woman. Sounds pretty fucking crazy right? It seems to be everywhere you look at the moment. Your nanna is probably on it.

I got a book of recipes that supported the restrictions and looked forward to trialling it all. The book itself was pretty helpful, especially given I'm vegetarian and figured I'd struggle to find proteins that were HCG friendly but I didn't. I read all the evidence to support/damn it online and came to the conclusion (as I often find on the internet) no-one can give me a certain answer and fuck-this-I'll-try-it-and-see-if-it-works.

I knew the following when I started:

• Even if the whole thing was a sham, I would still lose weight by only consuming 500 calories  daily
• It was a good opportunity to kick-start my weightloss and a 'segue' from the debauchery of white flour and insulin-whoring I was up to beforehand
• I am prone to extremist behaviour when needing lasting change and had to have a back-up plan that meant achieved real change
• I wanted to put my body into ketosis, and this would achieve it.
• I needed to have a few quick wins with my weight to recall what it was I lost in the first place

 It was the hardest change I've ever made diet-wise. I loaded on the first two days, which is code for a food fuckfest, as the diet specified, and was secretly glad to see the back of it on Day 1 of phase 2. I was pumped - 40 days, no carbs, no sugar, no fun. I can do this right? Right?

Then the vagueness set in, followed by the headaches; rammed in by the nauseousness and the endless hours of hunger. After the first week, things steadily improved by the day. I was losing over a kilo a day in the first 4 days. My skin started to clear, to an eventual glow. The dark circles around my eyes faded and my energy started to level out. By day 14 I was feeling stellar, my will was good and I'd lost enough weight for my clothes to feel different.

The most problematic part, the reason I'd not done this whilst I was in freshmeat was because there isn't enough calories to train hard. Freshmeat was for me, the most physically demanding thing I'd done since Volleyball and given the fartlek-style fitness drills and my average burn of about 1200 cals a session I didn't think I would make it. In fact, whilst on HCG I was even struggling walking up small inclines. I had nothing in my muscles and was lactic acid central after relatively short sets of stairs. It was dealable though, and I was spurred on by the scales every morning.

Once I hit around 27 days, I was starting to go the other way. My skin was getting ruddy and I was constantly zonked. My pipeworks fucked up and I was a pretty much a total cunt to be around :) What was most concerning was my mental state. As the diet requires you to weigh yourself DAILY, my obsessiveness about even 100g wasn't healthy. The first day I gained, despite having followed all the rules I went to water because of what I perceived I had to do to myself that day, and for what?! So the next day I ate 300 calories. Not good. Whilst I agree with an awareness of the scales, I completely disagree with obsessing over it, and HCG relies on it so heavily. So, at day 30, exactly 10 days short of my 40 day HCG goal, I relented and ate carbohydrates and cheese. Then lentils and naan.


Now, I'm about a week out from going 'rogue' and after my little starch freak-out have gone back to a similar diet as HCG, though having introduced my friend Quinoa and a bigger assortment of vegies on my plate. I am still losing weight. I am now trying to unlearn weighing myself daily.

Even today, having eaten about 1000 calories, I don't know where I could fit any more. I read a friends diet plan this week and looked at her 1400-calorie-a-day-weight-loss-plan as living in the lap of luxury. So, to that end HCG has solved one hurdle. I've kissed bread and pasta goodbye; they were dirty sluts anyway so I'm straight without it. Another benefit was figuring out I'm probably intolerant to them given what happened after carbing it up. I also have the presence of mind to reintroduce food slowly, and figure out what's been messing with me all these years. I've figured out that life ruled by sugar and insulin spiking is shithouse and I much prefer the sweetness of an apple or some blueberries.

Overall, HCG won't kill you (more likely you'll kill others), but it isn't the correct answer for me. I also ran a test using Fitness Pal, by adding up my calories correctly and found my projected weightloss was in line with my diet irrespective of the Homeopathic drops, proving to me at least that they were probably a placebo. I went without them for 2 days and found the only difference to be that I was slightly hungrier. Perhaps a double-blind litmus Hawking test would bear more weight but I'm fresh outta bunsen burners, so this is the extent of my deductive powers.

As for skating, well, I start bikram next week to sort this knee shit out and keep the losses coming. It's also super good for your core and joints, two things pivotal to me getting back on skates yesterday already.

Keep you posted. Hope you learned something, I sure did.

Skate faster bitches!

Bookworm children make awkward skaters

The difference between kids who were bookworms, and those that socialised instead is at some point they've gone out with friends, daycare, family or school and roller skated down at the rink. I did that once, and sucked at it. *cue girl going back to corner with all the books stacked around her*

It's so bizarre that I would regret that decision 21 years later. I wish I skated more as a child. An odd regret. Irrespective, I didn't skate, and nothing good comes of regret so I've joined derby with somewhat underdeveloped skating skills. I am, by a ways, the worst skater in my lovely freshmeat group. It bothers me, and rightfully so, and conceited as this might sound I've never tried so hard at something I'm bad at. People generally gravitate towards hobbies and ideas that they have a natural inclination towards. I am naturally inclined to hit things. All of the sports I've taken to with ferociousness have that common thread. Skating is not natural to me whatsoever. I wonder if it is at all, it seems pretty fucking supernatural actually.

Roller derby is different because of one factor, drive. I will stick this badboy out till my body refuses to do it, because persistence outweighs natural inclination and I have that in abundance. Learning to skate well enough to bout is an act of patience. Chipping away, one tiny skill at a time. It's just a little confronting being the 'keep pluggin at it' kid in the meantime. One thing I've learned over the last few months is that I had initially broken skating up into a few big hurdles, when  really it's a series of smaller skills that eventually make way for the big things. An example was my obsessive focus on crossovers. Last week I learned why I'm not ready yet.. Training had finished and I went over to my comrades to stretch when the raven-haired smile pulled me aside. I'd been struggling with hitting my stride properly, and on the advice of my coach really tried to up my number of steps and keep my feet moving. It didn't quite feel right, but better than coasting. She very simply explained to me that whilst I was taking the steps, I was exhausting myself by not trusting my wheels to work. I held on as she towed me around, and I felt as she shifted her weight from foot to foot; pushing hard behind her, her feet returning underneath but still allowing the sway that comes from the shift to each foot. I wasn't spending enough time on one foot because I didn't trust my skates. I had a go at it myself, and could feel the difference. Awesome. Perhaps this is what separates natural skaters from bookworms, I can't seem to learn by the watch/repeat method, I have to understand how it should feel. Or maybe she was just really good at explaining shit.

I left training wishing I had more energy and time to go round a few more times. And given I spent the next day pressing replay on my brainbox trying to cement the raven's words I had to try it out properly so I went for a spin that night at the rink. I resisted the urge to go as fast as I could and really focussed on getting my stride long and exaggerated, with decent power in each stride. Each time I tried to keep my foot up a little longer before pushing into my next stride.

I achieved something :)

This is a testament to 3 things:

1. The friendliness of experienced skaters
2. Persistence
3. An empty rink on a friday night

I've let go of my need to be a natural at it, and put my trust in my skates (and skaters) instead.

The league of extraordinary ungentlepeople

As you might have guessed I've been doing all this falling over and getting up and trying again with the intention of joining a roller derby league. Finally I went to meet n greet with the unruly freshmeat (and new derby comrades). Like any first day of school, I packed my bag with all my new things, made my hair less birdsnest-like and tried wear my look of nonchalance. The truth is, I had been waiting for this day for months and could barely contain my excitement.

And like any first day at school I stood around trying to look the least awkward and smiling at those I met eyes with. Brain go: fuck, I can't believe I'm 29 and still wondering if the cool kids want to play with me! Mouth go: Hi, how are you? (It should be noted that I am generally far more awkward than the situation requires.) Fortunately the awkwardness was short-lived, as a raven-haired smile gathered all the shoegazers into a circle and broke the ice with friendly questions. I was relieved for it, and stole glances at all my new comrades.

An unsuspecting bunch it seems.

I don't know what I expected, so it both was and wasn't, I guess. Everyone was bright and lovely, and each completely different to the next. I guess in the world I walk around in a lot of women (and men) seem very 'samey'. Same fashion, same ideas, same accessories, same life.  Everyone in our group stood out from one another. A giant rainbow. Mothers, students, freaks, nerds, tomboys, rollerbladers-come-derbyers, layman's, experienced freshies. It was nice : ) As with many other social events, I find myself drawn to that endearing person who unabashedly announces how awkward the situation is. Today was no different, as I found myself next to that girl. I duly noted when she pulled her skates out later that she, like me, had mismatched laces and well, any person that has the presence of mind to see mismatched things as an improvement, and says endearing things; gains an instant friend in me.

Enough divergence. We got a little handbook that I might have read 5 times now. All the basics of being freshmeat, the league's expectations and the process of progressing. After a few talks from the veterans and coach, housekeeping info etc we were allowed to leave, readied with details for a following week's start. As this all happened, skaters arrived to start training after, which totally stole my attention. Hell freakin' yeah I wanna watch them train! I parked up beside my new friend and excitedly watched them warm up. The most encouraging and intriguing thing I've noticed is how everyone's body (being different) moved when then they skate. A good example was watching tall girls vs shorter girls. The compact neat movements of the shorter skaters compared to the long loping grace of the taller girls. It's all of benefit in some way or another in derby. It's so different to volleyball where your best asset was your height, second even to skill, unfortunately.

The recent freshmeat graduates started this drill which I could only describe as a smash 'em derby. A huge pack of skaters, all trying to knock eachother out of bounds. Holy shit it looked like so much fun. By this point we were sitting with the raven-haired smile and her friend, a seasoned skater who looked to be lethal on the track. They pointed out an experienced skater who hung at the front of the pack and watched, seemingly waiting for the bulk to pick eachother off. Clever. Then, as one of the remaining few skated around her she sped up and hit her hard with the shoulder. Completely levelled her.

On the other track the men skated. Again, so different to watch skate. The hits they were taking, and the speed they were travelling at was awe-worthy. One of the veteran skaters moved in and out of the pack like he was floating. I don't know I'd ever seen skating look so natural. I can't wait to get to the part where my skating looks even partly that fluid! I still look like a Mack truck taking off at the lights! Ha.

Overall, it was everything I'd hoped for and more. It was finally real, and not something I read on the internet :) I'm super psyched for my first training, and despite my secret terror, think I can do this derby business if I focus and listen and practice. I'm fuckin in!

Crossovers and other maladies

Suzy crossing over like a boss

Back to skate class tonight, the tattooed goddess returned from her jamskate trip which is fortunate as I was in desperate need of a class again. It was so good to be back on skates I almost forgot for a while I had been a couch-guzzling sloth for 2 weeks.

It was back to basics for most of us given almost everyone in the class hadn't skated either, so focussing on kindy skating - scissoring backwards, T-starts and stops, split leg turns around markers, and trying to master the form and stance again.

Given there were a mass of gunna-be derby skaters who have tryouts next week (Sunstate), at the end some tried to skate the 5 laps in under a minute. All were successful that had a crack and it was awesome to see what pace this 5 laps should maintain. I didn't try, and I'm thinking about it now and it was all because of one tiny hurdle I haven't conquered yet. Fucking crossovers.

The key to crossing over fearlessly I'm told is being comfortable on one foot. Knowing this I've worked a lot on getting my right foot up for longer periods. I've done this by squaring my shoulders, picking a high spot to focus on and striding out. THAT works. Then I try to overexaggerate the crossovers, crossing both left and right in a swaying motion.

Brain go: WHOAH, WH-O-A-H, W-H-O-A-H MUST.TRY.ARGH.FUQ.CAKE.NO.FOCUS BITCH CROSSOH-OH-NO. MEHR. wtf?!

Like any breakthrough I've made with skating so far, it's tied to 2 things

1. Muscle memory
2. Fear

Once I've figured out which muscles I need to activate, where to shift my weight to and what stance I should be in there's usually a lightbulb moment where my body did it and knows it. I haven't gotten there yet with crossing over, and, rather embarrrassingly, I think I'm doing it but can't be sure and am too self conscious to ask.

So I'm taking all tips on board. What can I practise at home? What routine can I establish so I'm doing the same way everytime?

HELP!

Starting freshmeat training!

Since I started considering derby I looked into what leagues were available in my region and for Brisbane there are 3 (Sunstate, NBR, and BCR). Each had different merits, I suppose for me it wasn't about skating with the best league but more one that meets my travel needs, one that accepts beginner skaters, and were inclusive of all kinds of freaks. I was fortunate in that I got some really good insider info from some derby girls I met that ruled one league out.

I won't overly politicise this blog, that's not what this is about but I will make one statement. I won't ever want to skate for a league that discriminates against the rainbow spectrum of women. Binary or non, I'm cool with either.

I narrowed it to one and sent off a nervous request for more info on their upcoming freshmeat intake. My timing was stellar because I got a group reply the next day asking for a show of hands and the first 30 lucky hands would be accepted. I replied faster than the Hadron Collider smashes particles. So now I have my invite to the info night to discuss the ins and outs of the league, insurance and all the other juicy details to start freshmeat training the following week!

I could have punched out a concrete wall I was so fucking excited.

Up until this week I've been super good at getting up at 5:30 and skating for about before work and it really started to pay off. My confidence has soared and I'm look far less like I'm running from Blair Witch and more like a skater which is always nice. Then the rains came. And my rink cancelled 2 weeks of lessons. I felt like a kid, standing at my window each morning hoping the rain was gone so I could go out and play. So I was at least doing something, I did my back exercises and knee strengthening stuff. My knees are in a happy place.

This is probably because I'm more than a week off skates. I feel cryogenically frozen and the thaw is frustratingly slow.

Now I have 15 days to become a pro skater. I'm sure we can all agree this is at least a 3 week job ; )

I'm breaking myself in tomorrow, once I've dealt with sick children and messy kitchens and no spare underwear. That considered, it's nice to share a dream with a whole bunch of women who go to war with life/skate balance.

Army of me trudges on!

I am frankenskater

So far I've been up at 5:30 once this week, in the freezing cold to skate and will be doing the same thing tomorrow. I have two skatedates on the weekend. I haven't yet started the whole interval training thing off-skates; I'm still trying to psych myself up. This is code for I have been a slack bitch. Tryouts are in one month and three days. wtf am i doing? Dudeguy at work asked me why I wouldn't be ready for it and my answer was that I can't skate yet. I'm wondering if this true, or if it's only because I've decided it so? For reals, can I actually pull this off, or is it physically impossible? 

I've decided regardless I should at least attempt it - to learn how tryouts work and what ballpark physically this operates in. 

It operates in sheer, unforgiving tuffness. I already know. 

In my life I've copped volleyballs' to the face; delivered from the fierce meathands of Australian and Olympic players. I've also dished them out to others. I've torn things, chipped things, pinched things, blackened things, sprained and burst things. I get pain. I do. So, why am I terrified of trying to do a crossover?? Why am I psyched out by the slightest wobble?? 

Well, Pavlov's dog tells me it's BECAUSE of those blackened sprains and crutches and ice baths and fat lips that I'm flipping out like donkey on the edge - nonetheless it seems like an effectively useless protocol to follow. I'm gunna kick my survival instinct into submission and skate into next week pushing all of my boundaries. It's high time I took this bitch for a ride and figured out what the fuck she's made of nowadays.

Shut up and skate bitch.

Rink-test dummy: my new derby gear

So I vaguely covered my journey into the world of freshmeat gear but thought I should revisit it so we can look at what gear I got and what I've noticed. My apologies for the shitty photo quality, I'm new to this blog idea and have no fanciness.

I went with:

Protec kneepads

Protec Wristguards (hand not included)

Protec helmet

Protec elbows

Crazy VXi skates (stocko bandit wheels and enclosed bearings)

Outdoor Radar jelly wheels and Bones reds bearings

All up this cost me $550.00 (got them from Skatetrader, the don't have freshmeat packs but will make up one and offer a discount). Make of that what you will but it was the best combo for me and came out far more suitable and cost effective than any of the freshmeat packs online.

I ended up swapping over my bones reds bearings with the stocko bearings that came in my crazies because they seemed so much faster, and more for rink. So my road wheels are a bit more sluggish but that suits me fine (all the better to not eat shit with my dear).

The biggest issue I've has with any of my gear is my kneepads. Whilst they want to save my arse when I come down on them, the velcro also wants to make my life unbearable. They're tight as fuck, and I wonder if they don't fit now given how much they cut in. The back of my knees end up looking like a strung ham after a skate. The tattooed goddess said to get them tight as I can bear it because eventually they loosen as the cushions inside compress but I think I went a lil too tight. I've come down on them a few times now and its been blissfully painless, so they are like tiny clouds it seems : )

Wrist guards are what I've found to be most essential . I've come down on those bad boys with 100kgs of fear and know they've saved me at the very least a fracture. I can also see they'll wear out fast by the battle scars they already bear.

Overall I'm pretty happy with my gear, though next time I might try out the 187 knees, they seem less bulky and cumbersome. What are you guys rockin' and howsit working?

Watched my first live bout yo!

On Saturday I took my tribe of midgets down to see a Sunstate bout (Riots v Defiants). It was amazing to watch live, despite my squinting a lot from having no glasses on. The live atmosphere was like 80% better than youtube :)

I learned heaps from it, but feel like it really reiterated hows much more work I need to be putting in on a daily basis. Those girls are brutal, in the peak fitness of their lives, and amazing skaters.  I cant yet tick any of those boxes (well I'm brutal in a non-derby way). Yet anyway. I tried to pay particular attention to the way they skate; what skills they most frequently use and referenced this to what I've been learning in class. The two most important aspects I found to be stops and starts. How to quickly recover from a fall. Learning to skate fast can wait, being able to dynamically change direction is imperative.

I've broken this into exercises I already know and am going to really focus on:

1. T-stops and starts
2. Falling safely on my butt (getting up without hands)
3. Turning to face behind me (as in turning using my skates)
4. Braking backwards onto stoppers
5. Crossovers

Then I started to research skate-specific training, I've read a lot about doing interval training but how? I stumbled across Fartlek training and whilst a lot of specific drills require a group, it can definately be done alone. Of course I'm more in favour of group punishment, it's too easy to give up when it's just you (a bit like a bikini wax, you just cant do that shit to yourself). Dem's the brakes I guess. Hence now my plan its to make myself a training schedule by the week. 

My plan feels something like this:

3 x skate sessions a week (2 focussing on the skills as above and one free skate with fartlek elements)
2 x off-skates sessions based on fartlek/interval training, with quad killer exercises like wall sits, squat jumps, or maybe a bike sesh to mix it up..

Plus of course my weekly class with the tattooed goddess. I'd like to have the luxury of a daily skate but I have kids, and therefore schedules coming out of my arse as it is. I think the 5 sessions might be slightly hopeful but I gotta have goals right? I figure I'll do 2 skate sessions and an interval training during the week, with the last two over the weekend...

What do you do and how is it working?

IT'S NOT GOING TO KILL ME, I'VE FALLEN BEFORE AND SURVIVED

So I've had my skates 2 weeks now and I'm making steady improvement it seems. My delusions of grandeur involving 5:30 mornings have died in the proverbial so far, but the good intention is still there. 

My improvement is heavily tied to my fear factor, which is permanently fixed to I'm-going-to-surely-die-in-T-minus-2-seconds. I've developed a method of coping which is repeating the mantra: eyes forward, stay low, relax. I've found that by forcing my stance and legs and feet to relax has helped dramatically every time. It's so bizarre that as an adult, I find I'm consciously having to remind me of what was a given as a child. IT'S NOT GOING TO KILL ME, I'VE FALLEN BEFORE AND SURVIVED. Aah to have the child-like wonder of not having fallen much before. I can't wait to get to the part where its subconscious and I can focus on funner (it's a word, nerd) things; such as how to remain upright after smashing someone.

I've been getting to know my skates and a love affair has begun. Obsessive much? Adjusting, checking, preening, changes to my wheels - theres so much to do! 

Best things I've learned:

1. Keep your trucks loose, if they're too tight you're workin' too hard
2. Loosen your wheels for road skating, tighter for rink skating
3. Set yourself one primary goal for each session, and don't make excuses for yourself!
4. Get road wheels and skate on a solid footpath/basketball court/flat surface. The better you get at rough terrain, the easier it gets in a rink. (In fact a rink seems luxurious, like showering after you've been camping)
5. Watch a lot of derby - pick out the most useful and frequently used skill and become a pro at it. Given my current level of skating and wimp issues I've fittingly picked falls and getting back up quickly/safely.

6. Lead with your boobs. For reals, it works. Turn your boobs and point them where you wish to go. 

Ultimately, I'm getting there, though mostly I think I've become more accustomed to the idea of occasionally eating shit, it's my new thing this falling over business. As a result can push that thought back a little further in the buzzsaw that is my inner monologue.

Freshmeat Roller Derby gear: My miseducation and subsequent demystification

I'm a really impulsive person, and though close to danger as it takes me, none is more dangerous than anything I approach with my keycard. Impulse purchaser extraordinaire am I, driven by impatience and blissful ignorance. Then I had step children. Money is tighter than a nuns @#/%. The beauty of this is I learnt how to be an expert researcher of purchases. (all credit to my partner). I stopped buying things before checking every possible avenue, brand, price, shipping cost and forum for clues. It's kinda workin' I think.. When I started thinking seriously about derby, I began scouring online stores for clues as to what to buy. Given I'm in Australia, most things are cheaper online so I sorted site after site, comparing blogs and forum advice with prices and packs. I became obsessed. How do i get the best skate for the lowest price? What protective gear do I need? What brands are going to last me? 

I figured out I'd need this at a start: 

Derby Skates (no shit!)
Helmet
Elbow pads
Wrist pads
Knee pads
Toe guard (to stop you from ripping your skates)

For me, I knew I would be skating daily at the basketball courts near my house so I'd need outdoor wheels and bearings and a skate tool.. I've since read you can use a socket set to take your wheels off, so I'll try that before I buy a tool.

Basically, I learned for someone with a family the $500-$600 or so dollars is a massive commitment, that's our monthly food budget!

I learned that good pads were a necessity, knee gaskets might be good for me because of my size (and dodgy knees, cheers dad). After all the comparing of US skate stores I eventually found a freshmeat pack on derbyskates.com.au that had all the right stuff in the right places. Suregrip rebel invaders with 187 pads and came with a helmet, gaskets, mouthguard, and toe protectors.

I also tried calling and emailing skate stores in AU to find out about basic outdoor wheels, and beginner skates. No one could give me a solid answer, I needed to speak to someone! 

Fortunately, I hung back after my first skate class and queried the tattooed goddess about my dilemma. She said, contrary to what I'd read online; big girls don't have to have aluminium plates, the nylon plates are just as strong and will break eventually no matter what. That dropped my starting price by about 100.00! My biggest miseducation though was working on the premise that I needed the best quality skates I could afford, when in all reality I was going to fall a whole bunch and fuck them up regardless of what price I paid. 

Also I have private health cover so can get a mouthguard through my dentist. Sweet deal.

The rink had a skate store in-house and when I told the lady what I was going to pay she offered to quote me on a pack. On the advice of the skaters there I went with a cheap skate (crazy skates vx) and the best pads because:

1. I won't understand what I'll want in a skate until I figure out how they work on my feet (and how not to kill myself on them)
2. I'm going to get familiar with the floor, so I'll need the best cushions I can get

My original freshie pack was $550.00 without even getting to the outdoor wheels and bearings. The rink mama quoted me $391.00!! Plus cheap outdoor wheels which will be about $70.00 and bearings at about $50.00. BAM. A saving of at least a hundred bucks :)

The moral of this story is: you read everything you can find online, check all the forums and blogs, read all the reviews and as per usual the best advice is found out when you find someone who knows their shit.

My first real skate class

Last night was ‘adult skate class’. Second to my experience in munchkinland on Saturday, I noticed a more suitable slot for my significantly larger and less bendy frame so my friend, my partner and stepdaughter and I went along. Doesn't help that we were running late and I had already broken a sweat before we were on the rink due to rushnerves! My partner being the supportchampion he is said he was making his roller skating debut that night also. I hurried into my skates, then stood up and WHAT? I had forgotten everything I’d done the other day, for fucks sake it had been 3 days! I looked up at the class and saw an all women group, with just- past- ginger skaters. Their ringleader – a beautiful tattooed woman with a giant voice and an even bigger laugh. She glided gracefully over to where we were sitting and very loudly made a joke about us being late, followed by a happy hearty laugh. Phew. So happy to see a freak like me was taking the class. I was immediately more at ease.

We started with gliding out on one leg, then a T Stop, though at this stage my legs weren’t cooperating so I spent most of my time on the wall. The class then ran through front scissor rolls, roll and get low, skate while tossing a ball in the air, skating round markers, and through markers whilst bouncing the ball.

I couldn’t decide if it was going too fast, I was too slow, or if I was being wimpy. I’d wager it was the latter. Our tattooed ringleader was brilliant, she encouraged me and gave good clear directions and generally was awesome. I finished the class disappointed with myself that I didn’t just have a crack at more of the class. I avow to kicketh more ass next Tuesday.

An absolute jewel she gave me, she noticed my arms would flail and stopped me from doing it by holding a ball and skating, and BAM 100% more stable. It was like roller skating made perfect sense afterward.

In the end I left the class more perplexed with skating than when I entered, though I think this had more to do with this delusion I had about it somehow clicking and doing 360's in the air by the end of the class. Reality, as always, is a cruel cruel mistress.

Nothing both brutal and amazing ever happened to a benchwarmer

So the only time I’ve ever skated, I was about 8 years old and went with vacation care. I don’t think I’ve ever tried and failed so hard at anything since. The next day, I felt agony like I’d never felt before. I remember coming out of my room screaming and unable to lower my arms. It seemed all the grabs for the railing left my arms shredded. My mother laughed of course, as I’d never had sore muscles before and was positive I was dying.

21 years later, I’ve made a not-so-secret pact with myself that I will, at all costs, be a Derby girl. So last Saturday my friend (who also intends to learn) and step-daughter headed out to our first ‘Star Class’ at the local rink. $8 entry, $3 skates, couldn’t go wrong!

That was, until we entered what looked like a swarming village of small children. Tiny people all around going extremely fast, and I’d be lying if I said my heart didn’t sink a little. I somehow thought adults still tried to be cool? Seemingly not, judging by the coffee-swilling packs of mothers seated all around. I felt SO uncool. What adults were there, were speeding past at break-neck speed. I strapped on my skates, and then the thought occurred to me. How the fuck am I going to stand up in these? My friend who swore she “couldn’t skate” miraculously seemed to speed merrily away, leaving me at the bench, wondering how to get to the rail without making a complete arse of myself.

Well, nothing both brutal and amazing ever happened to a benchwarmer so I psyched myself up to ignore everyone and stand on my own 8 wheels. UP! Now. TO THE RAIL! Gingerly, doesn’t even come close to how I approached the next hour of rail holding and trying to remain upright on these disastershoes. After a short burst of confidence, I’d realise I was going too fast with no bail plan and grab desperately for the railing leaving my legs and wheels to continue after me. Then, I slowly made my way out onto the rink. (Yes I was skating outside the rink). What I found was not only was I having the time of my life, I was drenched in sweat; not so much from physical exertion (it’s impossible when you’re travelling that slow) but from CONCENTRATING! My mind was on fire, I was more focussed than I’ve been in years! I dared myself a new dare every time I went round don’t grab for the rail at all this lap, bend your knees and skate faster, try and snow plow stop. I headed out at the end of the session high as a metal kite, but not without sneaking a lustful glance at the derby skates on the shelf begging to be mine.

My friend and I were hooked, we had to knowlearnsmash derby. I’d told myself, if I showed any signs of being able to skate, that would be it, I’d join roller derby. I passed my own test :)

My biggest concerns about derby, not as much the injuries, but my weight. I’m 100kg’s at the moment, not exactly the ideal weight for impact sports (or anything for that matter, except cuddling). I’ve been lucky in my build as I’m also 6ft, so I don’t look like the weight I am. Well, not entirely. I’m doing this to play team sport because I LOVE and MISS it, to get fit in a way that is more sustainable than the boredom and jerks I hate at the gym, and because well, I’m part islander which means I’m physically destined for contact sport. But mostly because I’m in awe of the girls who do it, and wonder if they’d ever be my friend being so fiercely divine as they are. I’ve watched everything I can on youtube and read all the stuffnthings and forums and reviews and its decided!

And so here I am, writing a blog about it, perhaps because I’ve read a few of the derby blogs and realised that my big girl experience that might be of use to other women who want to smash their way to physical freedom. Because derby already made me feel more comfortable with my body, and I haven’t even played yet!

Tryouts in 2 months, buying my skates on the 15^th May and then.......SKATE EVERY DAY UNTIL I CANT MOVE!