Ballet dancers are good at transitioning

One imposition my weight seems to create is on my knees. I'm dreadfully knock-kneed and I did kinda stress over that in the beginning wondering if that meant I could skate but then I read a heartwarming article from Bonnie D.Stroir and it turns out shes knock kneed too, and well, she totally slays so there's hope in them there hills.

We attempted turning to face behind us for the first time which meant I had to basically demi plie. Given my ballet experience extends as far as Centre Stage and Black Swan, you can imagine what I looked like.

Anyway, it goes a lil something like this:

• Skate forward with your feet parallel
• Take a slight step forward with your right foot
• Turning your upper body left to face your behind you , turn your left foot back 180 into plie
• Pick up your right foot and bring it round parallel your left

This is made easier by keeping your knees bent, chin up instead of on your feet and really focussing on turning your boobs - your feet will follow even if you are feeling freaked about it. I've practiced it a bunch of times and it's still sloppy and heavy footed at best. This is largely driven by a complete lack of flexibilty on my part. Hence part of my daily routine now will be stretching, particularly my hip flexors and back. The more limber I am from the top down the less strain my knees will cop. That's my theory anyway. 

Happy skating :)

P.s another great resource for incurably knock kneed can be found here

The league of extraordinary ungentlepeople

As you might have guessed I've been doing all this falling over and getting up and trying again with the intention of joining a roller derby league. Finally I went to meet n greet with the unruly freshmeat (and new derby comrades). Like any first day of school, I packed my bag with all my new things, made my hair less birdsnest-like and tried wear my look of nonchalance. The truth is, I had been waiting for this day for months and could barely contain my excitement.

And like any first day at school I stood around trying to look the least awkward and smiling at those I met eyes with. Brain go: fuck, I can't believe I'm 29 and still wondering if the cool kids want to play with me! Mouth go: Hi, how are you? (It should be noted that I am generally far more awkward than the situation requires.) Fortunately the awkwardness was short-lived, as a raven-haired smile gathered all the shoegazers into a circle and broke the ice with friendly questions. I was relieved for it, and stole glances at all my new comrades.

An unsuspecting bunch it seems.

I don't know what I expected, so it both was and wasn't, I guess. Everyone was bright and lovely, and each completely different to the next. I guess in the world I walk around in a lot of women (and men) seem very 'samey'. Same fashion, same ideas, same accessories, same life.  Everyone in our group stood out from one another. A giant rainbow. Mothers, students, freaks, nerds, tomboys, rollerbladers-come-derbyers, layman's, experienced freshies. It was nice : ) As with many other social events, I find myself drawn to that endearing person who unabashedly announces how awkward the situation is. Today was no different, as I found myself next to that girl. I duly noted when she pulled her skates out later that she, like me, had mismatched laces and well, any person that has the presence of mind to see mismatched things as an improvement, and says endearing things; gains an instant friend in me.

Enough divergence. We got a little handbook that I might have read 5 times now. All the basics of being freshmeat, the league's expectations and the process of progressing. After a few talks from the veterans and coach, housekeeping info etc we were allowed to leave, readied with details for a following week's start. As this all happened, skaters arrived to start training after, which totally stole my attention. Hell freakin' yeah I wanna watch them train! I parked up beside my new friend and excitedly watched them warm up. The most encouraging and intriguing thing I've noticed is how everyone's body (being different) moved when then they skate. A good example was watching tall girls vs shorter girls. The compact neat movements of the shorter skaters compared to the long loping grace of the taller girls. It's all of benefit in some way or another in derby. It's so different to volleyball where your best asset was your height, second even to skill, unfortunately.

The recent freshmeat graduates started this drill which I could only describe as a smash 'em derby. A huge pack of skaters, all trying to knock eachother out of bounds. Holy shit it looked like so much fun. By this point we were sitting with the raven-haired smile and her friend, a seasoned skater who looked to be lethal on the track. They pointed out an experienced skater who hung at the front of the pack and watched, seemingly waiting for the bulk to pick eachother off. Clever. Then, as one of the remaining few skated around her she sped up and hit her hard with the shoulder. Completely levelled her.

On the other track the men skated. Again, so different to watch skate. The hits they were taking, and the speed they were travelling at was awe-worthy. One of the veteran skaters moved in and out of the pack like he was floating. I don't know I'd ever seen skating look so natural. I can't wait to get to the part where my skating looks even partly that fluid! I still look like a Mack truck taking off at the lights! Ha.

Overall, it was everything I'd hoped for and more. It was finally real, and not something I read on the internet :) I'm super psyched for my first training, and despite my secret terror, think I can do this derby business if I focus and listen and practice. I'm fuckin in!

Starting freshmeat training!

Since I started considering derby I looked into what leagues were available in my region and for Brisbane there are 3 (Sunstate, NBR, and BCR). Each had different merits, I suppose for me it wasn't about skating with the best league but more one that meets my travel needs, one that accepts beginner skaters, and were inclusive of all kinds of freaks. I was fortunate in that I got some really good insider info from some derby girls I met that ruled one league out.

I won't overly politicise this blog, that's not what this is about but I will make one statement. I won't ever want to skate for a league that discriminates against the rainbow spectrum of women. Binary or non, I'm cool with either.

I narrowed it to one and sent off a nervous request for more info on their upcoming freshmeat intake. My timing was stellar because I got a group reply the next day asking for a show of hands and the first 30 lucky hands would be accepted. I replied faster than the Hadron Collider smashes particles. So now I have my invite to the info night to discuss the ins and outs of the league, insurance and all the other juicy details to start freshmeat training the following week!

I could have punched out a concrete wall I was so fucking excited.

Up until this week I've been super good at getting up at 5:30 and skating for about before work and it really started to pay off. My confidence has soared and I'm look far less like I'm running from Blair Witch and more like a skater which is always nice. Then the rains came. And my rink cancelled 2 weeks of lessons. I felt like a kid, standing at my window each morning hoping the rain was gone so I could go out and play. So I was at least doing something, I did my back exercises and knee strengthening stuff. My knees are in a happy place.

This is probably because I'm more than a week off skates. I feel cryogenically frozen and the thaw is frustratingly slow.

Now I have 15 days to become a pro skater. I'm sure we can all agree this is at least a 3 week job ; )

I'm breaking myself in tomorrow, once I've dealt with sick children and messy kitchens and no spare underwear. That considered, it's nice to share a dream with a whole bunch of women who go to war with life/skate balance.

Army of me trudges on!

Rink-test dummy: my new derby gear

So I vaguely covered my journey into the world of freshmeat gear but thought I should revisit it so we can look at what gear I got and what I've noticed. My apologies for the shitty photo quality, I'm new to this blog idea and have no fanciness.

I went with:

Protec kneepads

Protec Wristguards (hand not included)

Protec helmet

Protec elbows

Crazy VXi skates (stocko bandit wheels and enclosed bearings)

Outdoor Radar jelly wheels and Bones reds bearings

All up this cost me $550.00 (got them from Skatetrader, the don't have freshmeat packs but will make up one and offer a discount). Make of that what you will but it was the best combo for me and came out far more suitable and cost effective than any of the freshmeat packs online.

I ended up swapping over my bones reds bearings with the stocko bearings that came in my crazies because they seemed so much faster, and more for rink. So my road wheels are a bit more sluggish but that suits me fine (all the better to not eat shit with my dear).

The biggest issue I've has with any of my gear is my kneepads. Whilst they want to save my arse when I come down on them, the velcro also wants to make my life unbearable. They're tight as fuck, and I wonder if they don't fit now given how much they cut in. The back of my knees end up looking like a strung ham after a skate. The tattooed goddess said to get them tight as I can bear it because eventually they loosen as the cushions inside compress but I think I went a lil too tight. I've come down on them a few times now and its been blissfully painless, so they are like tiny clouds it seems : )

Wrist guards are what I've found to be most essential . I've come down on those bad boys with 100kgs of fear and know they've saved me at the very least a fracture. I can also see they'll wear out fast by the battle scars they already bear.

Overall I'm pretty happy with my gear, though next time I might try out the 187 knees, they seem less bulky and cumbersome. What are you guys rockin' and howsit working?

IT'S NOT GOING TO KILL ME, I'VE FALLEN BEFORE AND SURVIVED

So I've had my skates 2 weeks now and I'm making steady improvement it seems. My delusions of grandeur involving 5:30 mornings have died in the proverbial so far, but the good intention is still there. 

My improvement is heavily tied to my fear factor, which is permanently fixed to I'm-going-to-surely-die-in-T-minus-2-seconds. I've developed a method of coping which is repeating the mantra: eyes forward, stay low, relax. I've found that by forcing my stance and legs and feet to relax has helped dramatically every time. It's so bizarre that as an adult, I find I'm consciously having to remind me of what was a given as a child. IT'S NOT GOING TO KILL ME, I'VE FALLEN BEFORE AND SURVIVED. Aah to have the child-like wonder of not having fallen much before. I can't wait to get to the part where its subconscious and I can focus on funner (it's a word, nerd) things; such as how to remain upright after smashing someone.

I've been getting to know my skates and a love affair has begun. Obsessive much? Adjusting, checking, preening, changes to my wheels - theres so much to do! 

Best things I've learned:

1. Keep your trucks loose, if they're too tight you're workin' too hard
2. Loosen your wheels for road skating, tighter for rink skating
3. Set yourself one primary goal for each session, and don't make excuses for yourself!
4. Get road wheels and skate on a solid footpath/basketball court/flat surface. The better you get at rough terrain, the easier it gets in a rink. (In fact a rink seems luxurious, like showering after you've been camping)
5. Watch a lot of derby - pick out the most useful and frequently used skill and become a pro at it. Given my current level of skating and wimp issues I've fittingly picked falls and getting back up quickly/safely.

6. Lead with your boobs. For reals, it works. Turn your boobs and point them where you wish to go. 

Ultimately, I'm getting there, though mostly I think I've become more accustomed to the idea of occasionally eating shit, it's my new thing this falling over business. As a result can push that thought back a little further in the buzzsaw that is my inner monologue.

Freshmeat Roller Derby gear: My miseducation and subsequent demystification

I'm a really impulsive person, and though close to danger as it takes me, none is more dangerous than anything I approach with my keycard. Impulse purchaser extraordinaire am I, driven by impatience and blissful ignorance. Then I had step children. Money is tighter than a nuns @#/%. The beauty of this is I learnt how to be an expert researcher of purchases. (all credit to my partner). I stopped buying things before checking every possible avenue, brand, price, shipping cost and forum for clues. It's kinda workin' I think.. When I started thinking seriously about derby, I began scouring online stores for clues as to what to buy. Given I'm in Australia, most things are cheaper online so I sorted site after site, comparing blogs and forum advice with prices and packs. I became obsessed. How do i get the best skate for the lowest price? What protective gear do I need? What brands are going to last me? 

I figured out I'd need this at a start: 

Derby Skates (no shit!)
Helmet
Elbow pads
Wrist pads
Knee pads
Toe guard (to stop you from ripping your skates)

For me, I knew I would be skating daily at the basketball courts near my house so I'd need outdoor wheels and bearings and a skate tool.. I've since read you can use a socket set to take your wheels off, so I'll try that before I buy a tool.

Basically, I learned for someone with a family the $500-$600 or so dollars is a massive commitment, that's our monthly food budget!

I learned that good pads were a necessity, knee gaskets might be good for me because of my size (and dodgy knees, cheers dad). After all the comparing of US skate stores I eventually found a freshmeat pack on derbyskates.com.au that had all the right stuff in the right places. Suregrip rebel invaders with 187 pads and came with a helmet, gaskets, mouthguard, and toe protectors.

I also tried calling and emailing skate stores in AU to find out about basic outdoor wheels, and beginner skates. No one could give me a solid answer, I needed to speak to someone! 

Fortunately, I hung back after my first skate class and queried the tattooed goddess about my dilemma. She said, contrary to what I'd read online; big girls don't have to have aluminium plates, the nylon plates are just as strong and will break eventually no matter what. That dropped my starting price by about 100.00! My biggest miseducation though was working on the premise that I needed the best quality skates I could afford, when in all reality I was going to fall a whole bunch and fuck them up regardless of what price I paid. 

Also I have private health cover so can get a mouthguard through my dentist. Sweet deal.

The rink had a skate store in-house and when I told the lady what I was going to pay she offered to quote me on a pack. On the advice of the skaters there I went with a cheap skate (crazy skates vx) and the best pads because:

1. I won't understand what I'll want in a skate until I figure out how they work on my feet (and how not to kill myself on them)
2. I'm going to get familiar with the floor, so I'll need the best cushions I can get

My original freshie pack was $550.00 without even getting to the outdoor wheels and bearings. The rink mama quoted me $391.00!! Plus cheap outdoor wheels which will be about $70.00 and bearings at about $50.00. BAM. A saving of at least a hundred bucks :)

The moral of this story is: you read everything you can find online, check all the forums and blogs, read all the reviews and as per usual the best advice is found out when you find someone who knows their shit.

My first real skate class

Last night was ‘adult skate class’. Second to my experience in munchkinland on Saturday, I noticed a more suitable slot for my significantly larger and less bendy frame so my friend, my partner and stepdaughter and I went along. Doesn't help that we were running late and I had already broken a sweat before we were on the rink due to rushnerves! My partner being the supportchampion he is said he was making his roller skating debut that night also. I hurried into my skates, then stood up and WHAT? I had forgotten everything I’d done the other day, for fucks sake it had been 3 days! I looked up at the class and saw an all women group, with just- past- ginger skaters. Their ringleader – a beautiful tattooed woman with a giant voice and an even bigger laugh. She glided gracefully over to where we were sitting and very loudly made a joke about us being late, followed by a happy hearty laugh. Phew. So happy to see a freak like me was taking the class. I was immediately more at ease.

We started with gliding out on one leg, then a T Stop, though at this stage my legs weren’t cooperating so I spent most of my time on the wall. The class then ran through front scissor rolls, roll and get low, skate while tossing a ball in the air, skating round markers, and through markers whilst bouncing the ball.

I couldn’t decide if it was going too fast, I was too slow, or if I was being wimpy. I’d wager it was the latter. Our tattooed ringleader was brilliant, she encouraged me and gave good clear directions and generally was awesome. I finished the class disappointed with myself that I didn’t just have a crack at more of the class. I avow to kicketh more ass next Tuesday.

An absolute jewel she gave me, she noticed my arms would flail and stopped me from doing it by holding a ball and skating, and BAM 100% more stable. It was like roller skating made perfect sense afterward.

In the end I left the class more perplexed with skating than when I entered, though I think this had more to do with this delusion I had about it somehow clicking and doing 360's in the air by the end of the class. Reality, as always, is a cruel cruel mistress.