Self imposed skiatus and the HCG diet

I've been a lazy lover, dear blog, to which I have no excuse other than life. I've been on a hiatus from skating since November after taking a mountain-to-the-knee whilst scaling down Mt Tamborine. I cast derby from my head in a bid to ease the depression of putting freshmeat on hold. Shame, I'd skated 23 in 5 and started crossing over properly.

I learned a few lessons though. Whilst there's no better way to get fit than actually move, and derby did that for me, I couldn't ask something like that of a body I had left in total disrepair. Derby wasn't going to fix it, for me at least. And perhaps I could have done the ol' teaspoon of concrete, but I can't just DO derby, I want to be GOOD - and that requires a body that can handle it. So I focussed on what I could change and after much deliberation decided to try HCG Protocol through some advice of a fitness warrior I respect.

For those who are noobs to HCG, it stands for Human Chrionic Gonadotropin; and it's based on the hormone that is produced to support a woman's ovary in ovulation or in pregnancy. Through taking the homeopathic drops, your body is stimulated into producing said hormone and this inturn causes fat to be released into the system as it would a pregnant woman. Sounds pretty fucking crazy right? It seems to be everywhere you look at the moment. Your nanna is probably on it.

I got a book of recipes that supported the restrictions and looked forward to trialling it all. The book itself was pretty helpful, especially given I'm vegetarian and figured I'd struggle to find proteins that were HCG friendly but I didn't. I read all the evidence to support/damn it online and came to the conclusion (as I often find on the internet) no-one can give me a certain answer and fuck-this-I'll-try-it-and-see-if-it-works.

I knew the following when I started:

• Even if the whole thing was a sham, I would still lose weight by only consuming 500 calories  daily
• It was a good opportunity to kick-start my weightloss and a 'segue' from the debauchery of white flour and insulin-whoring I was up to beforehand
• I am prone to extremist behaviour when needing lasting change and had to have a back-up plan that meant achieved real change
• I wanted to put my body into ketosis, and this would achieve it.
• I needed to have a few quick wins with my weight to recall what it was I lost in the first place

 It was the hardest change I've ever made diet-wise. I loaded on the first two days, which is code for a food fuckfest, as the diet specified, and was secretly glad to see the back of it on Day 1 of phase 2. I was pumped - 40 days, no carbs, no sugar, no fun. I can do this right? Right?

Then the vagueness set in, followed by the headaches; rammed in by the nauseousness and the endless hours of hunger. After the first week, things steadily improved by the day. I was losing over a kilo a day in the first 4 days. My skin started to clear, to an eventual glow. The dark circles around my eyes faded and my energy started to level out. By day 14 I was feeling stellar, my will was good and I'd lost enough weight for my clothes to feel different.

The most problematic part, the reason I'd not done this whilst I was in freshmeat was because there isn't enough calories to train hard. Freshmeat was for me, the most physically demanding thing I'd done since Volleyball and given the fartlek-style fitness drills and my average burn of about 1200 cals a session I didn't think I would make it. In fact, whilst on HCG I was even struggling walking up small inclines. I had nothing in my muscles and was lactic acid central after relatively short sets of stairs. It was dealable though, and I was spurred on by the scales every morning.

Once I hit around 27 days, I was starting to go the other way. My skin was getting ruddy and I was constantly zonked. My pipeworks fucked up and I was a pretty much a total cunt to be around :) What was most concerning was my mental state. As the diet requires you to weigh yourself DAILY, my obsessiveness about even 100g wasn't healthy. The first day I gained, despite having followed all the rules I went to water because of what I perceived I had to do to myself that day, and for what?! So the next day I ate 300 calories. Not good. Whilst I agree with an awareness of the scales, I completely disagree with obsessing over it, and HCG relies on it so heavily. So, at day 30, exactly 10 days short of my 40 day HCG goal, I relented and ate carbohydrates and cheese. Then lentils and naan.


Now, I'm about a week out from going 'rogue' and after my little starch freak-out have gone back to a similar diet as HCG, though having introduced my friend Quinoa and a bigger assortment of vegies on my plate. I am still losing weight. I am now trying to unlearn weighing myself daily.

Even today, having eaten about 1000 calories, I don't know where I could fit any more. I read a friends diet plan this week and looked at her 1400-calorie-a-day-weight-loss-plan as living in the lap of luxury. So, to that end HCG has solved one hurdle. I've kissed bread and pasta goodbye; they were dirty sluts anyway so I'm straight without it. Another benefit was figuring out I'm probably intolerant to them given what happened after carbing it up. I also have the presence of mind to reintroduce food slowly, and figure out what's been messing with me all these years. I've figured out that life ruled by sugar and insulin spiking is shithouse and I much prefer the sweetness of an apple or some blueberries.

Overall, HCG won't kill you (more likely you'll kill others), but it isn't the correct answer for me. I also ran a test using Fitness Pal, by adding up my calories correctly and found my projected weightloss was in line with my diet irrespective of the Homeopathic drops, proving to me at least that they were probably a placebo. I went without them for 2 days and found the only difference to be that I was slightly hungrier. Perhaps a double-blind litmus Hawking test would bear more weight but I'm fresh outta bunsen burners, so this is the extent of my deductive powers.

As for skating, well, I start bikram next week to sort this knee shit out and keep the losses coming. It's also super good for your core and joints, two things pivotal to me getting back on skates yesterday already.

Keep you posted. Hope you learned something, I sure did.

Skate faster bitches!

Bookworm children make awkward skaters

The difference between kids who were bookworms, and those that socialised instead is at some point they've gone out with friends, daycare, family or school and roller skated down at the rink. I did that once, and sucked at it. *cue girl going back to corner with all the books stacked around her*

It's so bizarre that I would regret that decision 21 years later. I wish I skated more as a child. An odd regret. Irrespective, I didn't skate, and nothing good comes of regret so I've joined derby with somewhat underdeveloped skating skills. I am, by a ways, the worst skater in my lovely freshmeat group. It bothers me, and rightfully so, and conceited as this might sound I've never tried so hard at something I'm bad at. People generally gravitate towards hobbies and ideas that they have a natural inclination towards. I am naturally inclined to hit things. All of the sports I've taken to with ferociousness have that common thread. Skating is not natural to me whatsoever. I wonder if it is at all, it seems pretty fucking supernatural actually.

Roller derby is different because of one factor, drive. I will stick this badboy out till my body refuses to do it, because persistence outweighs natural inclination and I have that in abundance. Learning to skate well enough to bout is an act of patience. Chipping away, one tiny skill at a time. It's just a little confronting being the 'keep pluggin at it' kid in the meantime. One thing I've learned over the last few months is that I had initially broken skating up into a few big hurdles, when  really it's a series of smaller skills that eventually make way for the big things. An example was my obsessive focus on crossovers. Last week I learned why I'm not ready yet.. Training had finished and I went over to my comrades to stretch when the raven-haired smile pulled me aside. I'd been struggling with hitting my stride properly, and on the advice of my coach really tried to up my number of steps and keep my feet moving. It didn't quite feel right, but better than coasting. She very simply explained to me that whilst I was taking the steps, I was exhausting myself by not trusting my wheels to work. I held on as she towed me around, and I felt as she shifted her weight from foot to foot; pushing hard behind her, her feet returning underneath but still allowing the sway that comes from the shift to each foot. I wasn't spending enough time on one foot because I didn't trust my skates. I had a go at it myself, and could feel the difference. Awesome. Perhaps this is what separates natural skaters from bookworms, I can't seem to learn by the watch/repeat method, I have to understand how it should feel. Or maybe she was just really good at explaining shit.

I left training wishing I had more energy and time to go round a few more times. And given I spent the next day pressing replay on my brainbox trying to cement the raven's words I had to try it out properly so I went for a spin that night at the rink. I resisted the urge to go as fast as I could and really focussed on getting my stride long and exaggerated, with decent power in each stride. Each time I tried to keep my foot up a little longer before pushing into my next stride.

I achieved something :)

This is a testament to 3 things:

1. The friendliness of experienced skaters
2. Persistence
3. An empty rink on a friday night

I've let go of my need to be a natural at it, and put my trust in my skates (and skaters) instead.

The league of extraordinary ungentlepeople

As you might have guessed I've been doing all this falling over and getting up and trying again with the intention of joining a roller derby league. Finally I went to meet n greet with the unruly freshmeat (and new derby comrades). Like any first day of school, I packed my bag with all my new things, made my hair less birdsnest-like and tried wear my look of nonchalance. The truth is, I had been waiting for this day for months and could barely contain my excitement.

And like any first day at school I stood around trying to look the least awkward and smiling at those I met eyes with. Brain go: fuck, I can't believe I'm 29 and still wondering if the cool kids want to play with me! Mouth go: Hi, how are you? (It should be noted that I am generally far more awkward than the situation requires.) Fortunately the awkwardness was short-lived, as a raven-haired smile gathered all the shoegazers into a circle and broke the ice with friendly questions. I was relieved for it, and stole glances at all my new comrades.

An unsuspecting bunch it seems.

I don't know what I expected, so it both was and wasn't, I guess. Everyone was bright and lovely, and each completely different to the next. I guess in the world I walk around in a lot of women (and men) seem very 'samey'. Same fashion, same ideas, same accessories, same life.  Everyone in our group stood out from one another. A giant rainbow. Mothers, students, freaks, nerds, tomboys, rollerbladers-come-derbyers, layman's, experienced freshies. It was nice : ) As with many other social events, I find myself drawn to that endearing person who unabashedly announces how awkward the situation is. Today was no different, as I found myself next to that girl. I duly noted when she pulled her skates out later that she, like me, had mismatched laces and well, any person that has the presence of mind to see mismatched things as an improvement, and says endearing things; gains an instant friend in me.

Enough divergence. We got a little handbook that I might have read 5 times now. All the basics of being freshmeat, the league's expectations and the process of progressing. After a few talks from the veterans and coach, housekeeping info etc we were allowed to leave, readied with details for a following week's start. As this all happened, skaters arrived to start training after, which totally stole my attention. Hell freakin' yeah I wanna watch them train! I parked up beside my new friend and excitedly watched them warm up. The most encouraging and intriguing thing I've noticed is how everyone's body (being different) moved when then they skate. A good example was watching tall girls vs shorter girls. The compact neat movements of the shorter skaters compared to the long loping grace of the taller girls. It's all of benefit in some way or another in derby. It's so different to volleyball where your best asset was your height, second even to skill, unfortunately.

The recent freshmeat graduates started this drill which I could only describe as a smash 'em derby. A huge pack of skaters, all trying to knock eachother out of bounds. Holy shit it looked like so much fun. By this point we were sitting with the raven-haired smile and her friend, a seasoned skater who looked to be lethal on the track. They pointed out an experienced skater who hung at the front of the pack and watched, seemingly waiting for the bulk to pick eachother off. Clever. Then, as one of the remaining few skated around her she sped up and hit her hard with the shoulder. Completely levelled her.

On the other track the men skated. Again, so different to watch skate. The hits they were taking, and the speed they were travelling at was awe-worthy. One of the veteran skaters moved in and out of the pack like he was floating. I don't know I'd ever seen skating look so natural. I can't wait to get to the part where my skating looks even partly that fluid! I still look like a Mack truck taking off at the lights! Ha.

Overall, it was everything I'd hoped for and more. It was finally real, and not something I read on the internet :) I'm super psyched for my first training, and despite my secret terror, think I can do this derby business if I focus and listen and practice. I'm fuckin in!

Crossovers and other maladies

Suzy crossing over like a boss

Back to skate class tonight, the tattooed goddess returned from her jamskate trip which is fortunate as I was in desperate need of a class again. It was so good to be back on skates I almost forgot for a while I had been a couch-guzzling sloth for 2 weeks.

It was back to basics for most of us given almost everyone in the class hadn't skated either, so focussing on kindy skating - scissoring backwards, T-starts and stops, split leg turns around markers, and trying to master the form and stance again.

Given there were a mass of gunna-be derby skaters who have tryouts next week (Sunstate), at the end some tried to skate the 5 laps in under a minute. All were successful that had a crack and it was awesome to see what pace this 5 laps should maintain. I didn't try, and I'm thinking about it now and it was all because of one tiny hurdle I haven't conquered yet. Fucking crossovers.

The key to crossing over fearlessly I'm told is being comfortable on one foot. Knowing this I've worked a lot on getting my right foot up for longer periods. I've done this by squaring my shoulders, picking a high spot to focus on and striding out. THAT works. Then I try to overexaggerate the crossovers, crossing both left and right in a swaying motion.

Brain go: WHOAH, WH-O-A-H, W-H-O-A-H MUST.TRY.ARGH.FUQ.CAKE.NO.FOCUS BITCH CROSSOH-OH-NO. MEHR. wtf?!

Like any breakthrough I've made with skating so far, it's tied to 2 things

1. Muscle memory
2. Fear

Once I've figured out which muscles I need to activate, where to shift my weight to and what stance I should be in there's usually a lightbulb moment where my body did it and knows it. I haven't gotten there yet with crossing over, and, rather embarrrassingly, I think I'm doing it but can't be sure and am too self conscious to ask.

So I'm taking all tips on board. What can I practise at home? What routine can I establish so I'm doing the same way everytime?

HELP!

Starting freshmeat training!

Since I started considering derby I looked into what leagues were available in my region and for Brisbane there are 3 (Sunstate, NBR, and BCR). Each had different merits, I suppose for me it wasn't about skating with the best league but more one that meets my travel needs, one that accepts beginner skaters, and were inclusive of all kinds of freaks. I was fortunate in that I got some really good insider info from some derby girls I met that ruled one league out.

I won't overly politicise this blog, that's not what this is about but I will make one statement. I won't ever want to skate for a league that discriminates against the rainbow spectrum of women. Binary or non, I'm cool with either.

I narrowed it to one and sent off a nervous request for more info on their upcoming freshmeat intake. My timing was stellar because I got a group reply the next day asking for a show of hands and the first 30 lucky hands would be accepted. I replied faster than the Hadron Collider smashes particles. So now I have my invite to the info night to discuss the ins and outs of the league, insurance and all the other juicy details to start freshmeat training the following week!

I could have punched out a concrete wall I was so fucking excited.

Up until this week I've been super good at getting up at 5:30 and skating for about before work and it really started to pay off. My confidence has soared and I'm look far less like I'm running from Blair Witch and more like a skater which is always nice. Then the rains came. And my rink cancelled 2 weeks of lessons. I felt like a kid, standing at my window each morning hoping the rain was gone so I could go out and play. So I was at least doing something, I did my back exercises and knee strengthening stuff. My knees are in a happy place.

This is probably because I'm more than a week off skates. I feel cryogenically frozen and the thaw is frustratingly slow.

Now I have 15 days to become a pro skater. I'm sure we can all agree this is at least a 3 week job ; )

I'm breaking myself in tomorrow, once I've dealt with sick children and messy kitchens and no spare underwear. That considered, it's nice to share a dream with a whole bunch of women who go to war with life/skate balance.

Army of me trudges on!

I am frankenskater

So far I've been up at 5:30 once this week, in the freezing cold to skate and will be doing the same thing tomorrow. I have two skatedates on the weekend. I haven't yet started the whole interval training thing off-skates; I'm still trying to psych myself up. This is code for I have been a slack bitch. Tryouts are in one month and three days. wtf am i doing? Dudeguy at work asked me why I wouldn't be ready for it and my answer was that I can't skate yet. I'm wondering if this true, or if it's only because I've decided it so? For reals, can I actually pull this off, or is it physically impossible? 

I've decided regardless I should at least attempt it - to learn how tryouts work and what ballpark physically this operates in. 

It operates in sheer, unforgiving tuffness. I already know. 

In my life I've copped volleyballs' to the face; delivered from the fierce meathands of Australian and Olympic players. I've also dished them out to others. I've torn things, chipped things, pinched things, blackened things, sprained and burst things. I get pain. I do. So, why am I terrified of trying to do a crossover?? Why am I psyched out by the slightest wobble?? 

Well, Pavlov's dog tells me it's BECAUSE of those blackened sprains and crutches and ice baths and fat lips that I'm flipping out like donkey on the edge - nonetheless it seems like an effectively useless protocol to follow. I'm gunna kick my survival instinct into submission and skate into next week pushing all of my boundaries. It's high time I took this bitch for a ride and figured out what the fuck she's made of nowadays.

Shut up and skate bitch.

Rink-test dummy: my new derby gear

So I vaguely covered my journey into the world of freshmeat gear but thought I should revisit it so we can look at what gear I got and what I've noticed. My apologies for the shitty photo quality, I'm new to this blog idea and have no fanciness.

I went with:

Protec kneepads

Protec Wristguards (hand not included)

Protec helmet

Protec elbows

Crazy VXi skates (stocko bandit wheels and enclosed bearings)

Outdoor Radar jelly wheels and Bones reds bearings

All up this cost me $550.00 (got them from Skatetrader, the don't have freshmeat packs but will make up one and offer a discount). Make of that what you will but it was the best combo for me and came out far more suitable and cost effective than any of the freshmeat packs online.

I ended up swapping over my bones reds bearings with the stocko bearings that came in my crazies because they seemed so much faster, and more for rink. So my road wheels are a bit more sluggish but that suits me fine (all the better to not eat shit with my dear).

The biggest issue I've has with any of my gear is my kneepads. Whilst they want to save my arse when I come down on them, the velcro also wants to make my life unbearable. They're tight as fuck, and I wonder if they don't fit now given how much they cut in. The back of my knees end up looking like a strung ham after a skate. The tattooed goddess said to get them tight as I can bear it because eventually they loosen as the cushions inside compress but I think I went a lil too tight. I've come down on them a few times now and its been blissfully painless, so they are like tiny clouds it seems : )

Wrist guards are what I've found to be most essential . I've come down on those bad boys with 100kgs of fear and know they've saved me at the very least a fracture. I can also see they'll wear out fast by the battle scars they already bear.

Overall I'm pretty happy with my gear, though next time I might try out the 187 knees, they seem less bulky and cumbersome. What are you guys rockin' and howsit working?